Friday, August 21, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
No More August
...things turned awful today. Fuck August. No more personal growth. No more love. No more nothing. Later...
Monday, August 10, 2009
August 10th
(For the month of August, I will be posting something every single day that, hopefully, betters my life. Or enriches my experience. Or something new. Or something exciting. And I hope that all of you, my friends, join me on this ride.)
Today is the last day I spend with the patient I’ve had for the last two and a half months. I was his primary rehabilitation assistant his entire stay at my company’s apartments, so we spent more than ample time together. These last few months have been frustrating, hilarious, dangerous, infuriating, difficult, and enriching, to say the least. He’s going home a different person. So am I.
Last night, I took him to a baseball game at the local ballpark. The experience was a microcosm of my days with him. Between cracking inappropriate jokes directed at other patients and freaking out because I referred to his hot dog wiener as, well, a wiener, he spent time arguing with me about the minutiae of the experience and laughing his ass off.
Two and a half months ago, I could never have said that I was going to miss him. But I am. At 11:30 tonight, I’m probably going to be feeling more than a little maudlin. And knowing him, he’s probably going to call me a “dildohead” or a “prick” or a “fucking retard” and scream at me to leave the room at around 11:25. That’s probably the most apropos way to spend our last evening together, too.
Today is the last day I spend with the patient I’ve had for the last two and a half months. I was his primary rehabilitation assistant his entire stay at my company’s apartments, so we spent more than ample time together. These last few months have been frustrating, hilarious, dangerous, infuriating, difficult, and enriching, to say the least. He’s going home a different person. So am I.
Last night, I took him to a baseball game at the local ballpark. The experience was a microcosm of my days with him. Between cracking inappropriate jokes directed at other patients and freaking out because I referred to his hot dog wiener as, well, a wiener, he spent time arguing with me about the minutiae of the experience and laughing his ass off.
Two and a half months ago, I could never have said that I was going to miss him. But I am. At 11:30 tonight, I’m probably going to be feeling more than a little maudlin. And knowing him, he’s probably going to call me a “dildohead” or a “prick” or a “fucking retard” and scream at me to leave the room at around 11:25. That’s probably the most apropos way to spend our last evening together, too.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
August 9th
(For the month of August, I will be posting something every single day that, hopefully, betters my life. Or enriches my experience. Or something new. Or something exciting. And I hope that all of you, my friends, join me on this ride.)
The goal for today is to decrease my giving a fuck by at least 20%. Also, I might write a poem.
The goal for today is to decrease my giving a fuck by at least 20%. Also, I might write a poem.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
August 8th
(For the month of August, I will be posting something every single day that, hopefully, betters my life. Or enriches my experience. Or something new. Or something exciting. And I hope that all of you, my friends, join me on this ride.)
Yeah, that was a terrible idea. I survived, though. I did not smoke a single cigarette yesterday. Still haven't today. Mostly I missed going through the motions of smoking a cigarette. I didn't quite know what to do with my hands. Especially on a day where I felt completely miserable to begin with. The smoke would have been a comfort, on a day where I needed the hug. Perhaps the key is cutting back, like with my drinking. If I smoke 4-5 a day, instead of a whole pack, I might be able to afford a trip a week to the dollar store. *cough*
Honestly, I don't really have a goal for today. It's hard to come up with stuff on days I'm working. It's hard to get out and do culturally enriching things when I'm working most of the day. So, I think I'll just make things simple. I will make it a good night at work for my patient. I will try to not let the bad of this week get to me. And, hey, maybe it's time to let you guys in on the action.
What exactly do you want to see me do this month? Is there some personally-enriching activity or action you'd like to see me perform? Let me know. I just might do a few of those things...
Yeah, that was a terrible idea. I survived, though. I did not smoke a single cigarette yesterday. Still haven't today. Mostly I missed going through the motions of smoking a cigarette. I didn't quite know what to do with my hands. Especially on a day where I felt completely miserable to begin with. The smoke would have been a comfort, on a day where I needed the hug. Perhaps the key is cutting back, like with my drinking. If I smoke 4-5 a day, instead of a whole pack, I might be able to afford a trip a week to the dollar store. *cough*
Honestly, I don't really have a goal for today. It's hard to come up with stuff on days I'm working. It's hard to get out and do culturally enriching things when I'm working most of the day. So, I think I'll just make things simple. I will make it a good night at work for my patient. I will try to not let the bad of this week get to me. And, hey, maybe it's time to let you guys in on the action.
What exactly do you want to see me do this month? Is there some personally-enriching activity or action you'd like to see me perform? Let me know. I just might do a few of those things...
Friday, August 7, 2009
August 7th
(For the month of August, I will be posting something every single day that, hopefully, betters my life. Or enriches my experience. Or something new. Or something exciting. And I hope that all of you, my friends, join me on this ride.)
It turns out that I’m terrible at pool. Drinking before I got there wasn’t much help. But I did have fun hanging out and making a fool out of myself. And I wasn’t even the one who fell off a stool!
So what am I up to today? It’s a simple one. I stopped smoking. The plan is to not smoke a single cigarette today and see if I can make it. If I can make it through today, maybe I can make it through tomorrow. And the day after. Then, who knows? Maybe I’ll be President?
Why am I doing this? The things are expensive, pure and simple. I work for peanuts and the local Fastrip doesn’t take peanut shells in exchange for cigarettes. If I took cigarettes out of my budget, I’d be a Dollar Menunaire. Or something.
Today’s adventure is probably a terrible idea. You see, I’ve had to do all sort of stressful things already this morning, spending some time at the local courthouse and finding out that I’m not having my fees waived for the divorce. Suddenly, I have ten days to come up with $355. But I didn’t crack. I might crack at midnight tonight. But I won’t crack today. And who knows? Maybe this will stick.
It turns out that I’m terrible at pool. Drinking before I got there wasn’t much help. But I did have fun hanging out and making a fool out of myself. And I wasn’t even the one who fell off a stool!
So what am I up to today? It’s a simple one. I stopped smoking. The plan is to not smoke a single cigarette today and see if I can make it. If I can make it through today, maybe I can make it through tomorrow. And the day after. Then, who knows? Maybe I’ll be President?
Why am I doing this? The things are expensive, pure and simple. I work for peanuts and the local Fastrip doesn’t take peanut shells in exchange for cigarettes. If I took cigarettes out of my budget, I’d be a Dollar Menunaire. Or something.
Today’s adventure is probably a terrible idea. You see, I’ve had to do all sort of stressful things already this morning, spending some time at the local courthouse and finding out that I’m not having my fees waived for the divorce. Suddenly, I have ten days to come up with $355. But I didn’t crack. I might crack at midnight tonight. But I won’t crack today. And who knows? Maybe this will stick.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
August 6th
(For the month of August, I will be posting something every single day that, hopefully, betters my life. Or enriches my experience. Or something new. Or something exciting. And I hope that all of you, my friends, join me on this ride.)
Loma Linda... It kind of reminds me of Bakersfield, but smaller and less impressive. I think that pretty much sums it up. It's in the San Bernardino area, a part of southern California that does next to nothing for me. Ghetto. Mall. Ghetto. Starbucks. Ghetto. Pho. Ghetto. Bigger mall. Oh, and I did see a Vietnamese joint called A Dong Restaurant. Heh. Why leave home? I guess to remind me that home's not so bad. At least I know exactly where to get a stiff drink and some decent Carribbean food. That's what home is to me.
Today's theme is new experiences. Tonight, I will go play pool with some co-workers. Yes, pool. I have never in my life had any desire to "shoot pool." I still don't, to be perfectly honest. But one never knows when something will be fun, and at least this pool hall serves copious amounts of beer. If the pool fails, there's still booze. And I guess the overall idea is to go out and see what the night brings me. Usually, it's nothing but a mild buzz and some people staring at me. Maybe tonight will be different...
Loma Linda... It kind of reminds me of Bakersfield, but smaller and less impressive. I think that pretty much sums it up. It's in the San Bernardino area, a part of southern California that does next to nothing for me. Ghetto. Mall. Ghetto. Starbucks. Ghetto. Pho. Ghetto. Bigger mall. Oh, and I did see a Vietnamese joint called A Dong Restaurant. Heh. Why leave home? I guess to remind me that home's not so bad. At least I know exactly where to get a stiff drink and some decent Carribbean food. That's what home is to me.
Today's theme is new experiences. Tonight, I will go play pool with some co-workers. Yes, pool. I have never in my life had any desire to "shoot pool." I still don't, to be perfectly honest. But one never knows when something will be fun, and at least this pool hall serves copious amounts of beer. If the pool fails, there's still booze. And I guess the overall idea is to go out and see what the night brings me. Usually, it's nothing but a mild buzz and some people staring at me. Maybe tonight will be different...
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
August 5th
(For the month of August, I will be posting something every single day that, hopefully, betters my life. Or enriches my experience. Or something new. Or something exciting. And I hope that all of you, my friends, join me on this ride.)
It went well and you’ll never know. And that’s pretty fun.
The goal for August 5th was somewhat thrust upon me by my job. I was supposed to be off, but instead I’m driving a patient to Loma Linda for a doctor’s appointment and back. So, I guess the goal for today is to travel somewhere new. I’ve never been to Loma Linda. I don’t even really know where it is. I really don’t care. I love going new places, no matter how wondrous or terrible. The important part is to add a piece of vocabulary to my subconscious. By the end of the day, I will have impressions and memories of someplace new. And that’s pretty cool…
It went well and you’ll never know. And that’s pretty fun.
The goal for August 5th was somewhat thrust upon me by my job. I was supposed to be off, but instead I’m driving a patient to Loma Linda for a doctor’s appointment and back. So, I guess the goal for today is to travel somewhere new. I’ve never been to Loma Linda. I don’t even really know where it is. I really don’t care. I love going new places, no matter how wondrous or terrible. The important part is to add a piece of vocabulary to my subconscious. By the end of the day, I will have impressions and memories of someplace new. And that’s pretty cool…
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
August 4th
(For the month of August, I will be posting something every single day that, hopefully, betters my life. Or enriches my experience. Or something new. Or something exciting. And I hope that all of you, my friends, join me on this ride.)
If I learned anything yesterday, it’s that a lot of people are uncomfortable with totally random compliments. The sheer number of “Um… thanks?” I received probably outnumbered the actually positive responses. I guess maybe I do take people for granted if they’re so surprised that I actually give a crap about them.
So, what’s on the menu for today? Well, I can’t really tell you. It might ruin the surprise. You see, I’m going to do something ridiculously nice for someone. Something that’s going to make their day friggin’ wonderful. And no one’s going to know that I did it. I guess it’s one of those “Random Acts Of Kindness.” Only, I won’t be doing it for attention. I won’t be doing it to make that person owe me emotionally in any way. No one will ever know who did it. And I think that’ll be pretty fun.
If I learned anything yesterday, it’s that a lot of people are uncomfortable with totally random compliments. The sheer number of “Um… thanks?” I received probably outnumbered the actually positive responses. I guess maybe I do take people for granted if they’re so surprised that I actually give a crap about them.
So, what’s on the menu for today? Well, I can’t really tell you. It might ruin the surprise. You see, I’m going to do something ridiculously nice for someone. Something that’s going to make their day friggin’ wonderful. And no one’s going to know that I did it. I guess it’s one of those “Random Acts Of Kindness.” Only, I won’t be doing it for attention. I won’t be doing it to make that person owe me emotionally in any way. No one will ever know who did it. And I think that’ll be pretty fun.
Monday, August 3, 2009
August 3rd
(For the month of August, I will be posting something every single day that, hopefully, betters my life. Or enriches my experience. Or something new. Or something exciting. And I hope that all of you, my friends, join me on this ride.)
If that doesn’t tell you how day two’s experiment went, I don’t know what will. I had a headache all day. I felt tired and miserable. I had mild shakes. Yikes, you’d think I’d quit something really important. Anyway, I got through it without ripping too many people’s heads off. I’m looking forward to a gigantic iced coffee tomorrow. Like, seriously gigantic. I’m going to fill a bathtub with coffee and swim in it.
So, what to do for August 3rd? The plan is to spend the day letting everyone in my life know exactly what they mean to me. I think we (and by we, I mean me especially... remember, I'm selfish) tend to take our loved ones for granted, so I’m going to break that cycle and send a little love around the globe. In other words, expect gushy Michael tomorrow. Ew…
If that doesn’t tell you how day two’s experiment went, I don’t know what will. I had a headache all day. I felt tired and miserable. I had mild shakes. Yikes, you’d think I’d quit something really important. Anyway, I got through it without ripping too many people’s heads off. I’m looking forward to a gigantic iced coffee tomorrow. Like, seriously gigantic. I’m going to fill a bathtub with coffee and swim in it.
So, what to do for August 3rd? The plan is to spend the day letting everyone in my life know exactly what they mean to me. I think we (and by we, I mean me especially... remember, I'm selfish) tend to take our loved ones for granted, so I’m going to break that cycle and send a little love around the globe. In other words, expect gushy Michael tomorrow. Ew…
Sunday, August 2, 2009
August 2nd
(For the month of August, I will be posting something every single day that, hopefully, betters my life. Or enriches my experience. Or something new. Or something exciting. And I hope that all of you, my friends, join me on this ride.)
In terms of yesterday’s goal of culturally enriching my life, I think I pretty much succeeded. It was a pretty important experience for my patient and I really think I got a better appreciation for the local gay community. Even if I did feel at times like I was an interloper.
I even got a spiffy “Marriage Equality USA” sticker to wear for the rest of the day:
Not surprisingly, I spent the rest of the night at work fielding the ever-present, “Are you gay?” questions. The answer is, “No.” That’s tough for some people to rationalize. I’m a lot of things. Eccentric. Hairy. Mischievous. One thing I am not? Attracted to men. Sorry.
I also got to go bowling, something I haven’t done since I was a little kid. So, go me!
So what’s on tap for August 2nd? Well, one thing I noticed about today was that I barely ate anything. Instead, I existed on a toxic diet of coffee and cigarettes. Oddly enough, I felt sharp and energized all day. Er, maybe that’s not so odd.
But it got me thinking about my addiction to caffeine. I could spend an entire day drinking coffee and diet Pepsi and be pretty pleased with myself. But what would happen if I didn’t get my caffeine? Would I turn into a cave troll, eating innocents who happen to stumble into my proximity? Or would I somehow survive? I guess I’ll just have to try it and see what happens.
In terms of yesterday’s goal of culturally enriching my life, I think I pretty much succeeded. It was a pretty important experience for my patient and I really think I got a better appreciation for the local gay community. Even if I did feel at times like I was an interloper.
I even got a spiffy “Marriage Equality USA” sticker to wear for the rest of the day:
Not surprisingly, I spent the rest of the night at work fielding the ever-present, “Are you gay?” questions. The answer is, “No.” That’s tough for some people to rationalize. I’m a lot of things. Eccentric. Hairy. Mischievous. One thing I am not? Attracted to men. Sorry.
I also got to go bowling, something I haven’t done since I was a little kid. So, go me!
So what’s on tap for August 2nd? Well, one thing I noticed about today was that I barely ate anything. Instead, I existed on a toxic diet of coffee and cigarettes. Oddly enough, I felt sharp and energized all day. Er, maybe that’s not so odd.
But it got me thinking about my addiction to caffeine. I could spend an entire day drinking coffee and diet Pepsi and be pretty pleased with myself. But what would happen if I didn’t get my caffeine? Would I turn into a cave troll, eating innocents who happen to stumble into my proximity? Or would I somehow survive? I guess I’ll just have to try it and see what happens.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
August 1st
(For the month of August, I will be posting something every single day that, hopefully, betters my life. Or enriches my experience. Or something new. Or something exciting. And I hope that all of you, my friends, join me on this ride.)
I think I've managed to make it pretty apparent here and elsewhere that I support gay causes. Equal rights for everyone is probably my biggest concern on a social level, so I tend to run my mouth every time I get a chance about it.
So, with that in mind, I'll be doing something rather special today at work. I will be going along with one of my bosses to take one of my patients to see a documentary on the Stonewall Riots.
This patient, who shall remain nameless, is, in effect, closeted. Despite his family and friends being in the know about his sexuality, he still refuses to actually admit that he's gay.
That's his choice and I respect that. But the hope today is that maybe he'll learn something from watching the documentary. Living in fear, to me, means you're not living. I hope today helps him somewhat. Or, at the very least, feel comfortable being in a room with like-minded individuals for a few hours.
I think I've managed to make it pretty apparent here and elsewhere that I support gay causes. Equal rights for everyone is probably my biggest concern on a social level, so I tend to run my mouth every time I get a chance about it.
So, with that in mind, I'll be doing something rather special today at work. I will be going along with one of my bosses to take one of my patients to see a documentary on the Stonewall Riots.
This patient, who shall remain nameless, is, in effect, closeted. Despite his family and friends being in the know about his sexuality, he still refuses to actually admit that he's gay.
That's his choice and I respect that. But the hope today is that maybe he'll learn something from watching the documentary. Living in fear, to me, means you're not living. I hope today helps him somewhat. Or, at the very least, feel comfortable being in a room with like-minded individuals for a few hours.
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