Salt And Pepper

There’s always been something wrong with every haircut I’ve ever received. Some were lopsided, some were too short. There was this one time where I had my hair professionally dyed red and it turned out a rather amusing shade of pink. Today, I received a haircut that absolutely surprised me with how it was wrong, rather than the simple fact that it was wrong. Today’s haircut was wrong because it makes me look like my father.

I think most guys will agree with me that getting a haircut that makes you look like your father is officially the point when we feel old. Looking down at the hair gathering in my lap, I was completely astonished at the amount of grey hairs peppering my mousey brown locks. When did I start getting old? How long until I need a box of Just For Men hair color?

And what makes it all that much sadder is that the haircut doesn’t look bad on me! Could I have had it wrong this whole time? Did my father figure out that this haircut is simply the best one around decades ago and I’m simply late to the party? Are all of those years I spent making fun of my father for getting these ridiculously short haircuts coming back to bite me on the ass?

I spent years of my life with long hair, and only recently began cutting it short. I think today was the realization that I’ve crossed a bridge and burned it to the ground behind me. I can never have long hair again. My temples have receded too much. There’s just too much grey involved. Long hair would make me look like either a dirty hippy or a greasy mobster.

So I’ve reached this impasse in my life: I’m no longer young, yet I’m not quite “Old Man River.” I’m not really allowed to be found cute by young girls anymore, and I’m certainly not ready to buy a sports car and take up golf. I’m just sort of at that in-between age. It’s awkward, and it shouldn’t be. This should be the time in everyone’s life where they’re beginning to figure stuff out. And all I’ve figured out is how to look like my father.