Sticky Bun Blast!

I was driving down Rosedale Highway/Route 58 the other day towards a friend’s house, completely oblivious to my surroundings. This is nothing too particularly unusual in Bakersfield; everyone here drives without care or concern for the other people on the road.

I was passing by the Northwest Promenade shopping center when a sign caught my eye. You see, I always make sure I check the sign in front of Sonic Drive-In to see if they’ve made any weird mistakes on any given day. In the past, I lived across the street from a Sonic, and they constantly made weird grammatical errors, or left out key words or phrases from their advertising.

I’ve seen some real doozies in the past. “Try Our New Cheese!” “Want A Doctor?” “1.99 Brown Bag!” “Happy Hour Come!” But this week’s special absolutely blew me away. I nearly swerved into the center divider when I saw it:

“New! Sticky Bun Blast!”

Now maybe it’s just because I’m a boy, but when I see something called a “Sticky Bun Blast,” I immediately think of deviant sexual acts. I start to recall some of the weirder gay porn my old roommate Remington used to put on to embarrass his boyfriend in front of me. I start to think that the best idea in the world would be to pull into the drive-thru and order one, giggling, and then speed away.

I picked up my friend, and we returned the way I’d come to hit up a burger and pie place in downtown Bakersfield. Of course, I showed her the sign. She had pretty much the same reaction I did. She immediately text messaged her boyfriend, “Sticky Bun Blast!” All day, it was our mantra. Our new life philosophy, even! If something was bothering us, it was “Sticky Bun Blast!” If we were amused by something, it was “Sticky Bun Blast!”

So, imagine our disappointment later in the day when we saw an advert on the television from Sonic. “Try our new Sticky Bun Dough Blast!” It turns out that this local Sonic had forgotten the word “Dough” on the sign. And while “Sticky Bun Dough Blast” is still funny, it doesn’t have quite the same cache as “Sticky Bun Blast.”