Obsessing Over My Last.fm Account

Every so often, I like to take a look at my Last.fm account. By “every so often,” I mean every three or four hours. And by “take a look at my Last.fm account,” I mean that I scour my account for every minute detail, as if doing so will result in a bacon-wrapped filet popping out of my monitor.

In particular, the “charts” section really gets my goat. It’s almost unfair. Last.fm tabulated the spins in my iTunes for the past few years and came up with this nonsense. By their logic, I must really, really love Koji Kondo.

Do you know who Koji Kondo is? He’s a video game music composer. Yeah, I’ve apparently listened to him 432 times. Can I get an asterisk for his entry? It’s not that I have a problem with Koji Kondo. I mean, his work on the Legend Of Zelda series is, um, legendary. But I really don’t listen to him that much. My son does.

Yep, my son has his own iTunes mixes. I pay attention to the music he likes and I put those songs into mixes for him to listen to while he’s with me. He’s got mixes for day and night, which is why I’ve spun Koji Kondo some ridiculous amount.

Bowie? Pulp? Blur? Tom Waits? Yeah, that’s all me. In fact, a lot of it is me. But Koji Kondo? The Smashing Pumpkins? The Beatles? That’s mostly my son. I don’t dislike any of those artists, but I certainly don’t listen to them that much.

Ultimately, I feel like my Last.fm account is sort of a cheat. I really don’t listen to he Aquabats that much, but it sure looks like I do. What if, some day, someone looks at my Last.fm account as decides to judge me based on what they see inside?

“This guy likes Animal Collective, but he also listens to Michael Jackson. I don’t know if I can get on board with this one. He’s probably a pedo. Not dating him ever.” This is my fear. This is how things could go for me.

Or what if somebody ever asks why I listen to so much sad bastard music? "Wow, this guy listens to a lot of Fiona Apple. Ooooh, 'Re-Offender' by Travis? Time for this guy to get some therapy. Oh, wait, he likes Therapy? too."

In the end, I sort of deserve it. I mean, I do believe that we are what we listen to. By that logic, I'm a genre-bending, sexually-frustrated, expatriate transsexual goth with a penchant for whiskey. And I used to front The Birthday Party. Hey, wait a minute...