Excerpt 11 (A Forest)

Come closer and see
See into the trees
Find the girl
While you can

Maybe the truth is that I find some sort of cold comfort in being miserable. I think maybe that explains my complete and utter fascination with you. No matter how good your life is, no matter how happy you should be, you never are. I see a lot of that in myself. But it’s been so long. I don’t know if I started out happy and you turned me into this. Like I caught some sort of creeping infection or something.

Come closer and see
See into the dark
Just follow your eyes
Just follow your eyes

Maybe I just forgot who I was before I met you. That’s how complete your control over me was. I lost myself in your arms. I literally lost myself. I became a part of your world. I took in all of that darkness and took delight in my own suffering.

I hear her voice
Calling my name
The sound is deep
In the dark
I hear her voice
And start to run
Into the trees
Into the trees

You said I made you miserable. No matter how bad things got, I just don’t believe you. You made enough miseries for the both of us. Nothing I could ever do would compare. If I feel guilty for anything, it’s for actually enjoying the pain I was going through. Without you around, though, it’s a hollow victory.

Suddenly I stop
But I know it's too late
I'm lost in a forest
All alone

You’re the girl running into the trees, hiding in the darkness of the forest. I can’t find you because I’m not meant to. Or maybe you just don’t want to be found. By me or anyone else. But a funny thing happened on the way out of the forest. I appear to have lost my way. I think I see some sunlight peeking through the treetops. But I haven’t found my way out yet.

The girl was never there
It's always the same
I'm running towards nothing
Again and again and again