Thursday, December 11, 2008
It feels like I’ve known you forever, even though I haven’t. Why is that? How is it that we missed out on the family lottery? You should have been a part of my family, or I should have been a part of yours. Either way, really. At the very least, it would have given me a reason for feeling guilty for loving you the way I did.
I never felt that guilt, though. Sure, I probably shouldn’t have been in love with you. It would have saved me an awful lot of grief in the long run if I had been able to exist in a platonic relationship. But that just never worked for me. And you certainly never helped. I think you liked the feeling that there was always someone around who loved you more than you loved yourself. It must have felt like being wrapped in a warm blanket. Comforting.
I’ve never met someone so utterly confident, yet so gripped with self-doubt as you. For someone who’s done so much in her life, you sure don’t think very highly of yourself. In fact, you’ve accused me in the past of putting you on a pedestal. Of thinking you’re perfect. But I don’t think you’re perfect. I think you’re you. And that’s just perfect enough for me.
These days, we’re both less than the sum of our parts. We’re both gripped with loathing for our current situations. I’m going through a point in my life where I don’t know if I can escape from the mistakes I've made. You’re in a similar place, afraid of what’s next. I don’t have any answers. I just know that I’ll still be there for you, regardless of what the world throws at you. And I know you’ll be there for me.
And it'll be nice and platonic for once.