Excerpt 8

January 12, 2009

It wasn’t even three years ago that I went to that concert with you. I wonder why it feels like five? Or ten? Is it the natural passage of time? Is it that it just feels longer than it‘s really been? Is it the sheer amount that’s happened to both of us since then? Or is just that there‘s some unnatural gulf between us that causes the memories to be hazy?

September 6, 2008

I’ve gotten back into contact with a girl I have an extremely bizarre relationship with. We have the “magnets repelling” relationship. There’s something there because the magnets seem to want to work. But I have no idea what that something is. The relationship is uncomfortable and I don’t know if she likes me or hates me. But it is something. Or maybe it’s just me. We went to a Yeah Yeah Yeahs concert several years ago and it was one of the most awkward experiences of my life. But I want more. Does that make any sense? I’m the Monitor and she’s the Anti-Monitor. That sort of thing. I have no idea if we’re friends, enemies, or something else.

January 12, 2009

It wasn’t several years ago. It wasn’t even three.

February 26, 2006

Is it weird that I’m going to a concert without my wife? I mean, she hates Yeah Yeah Yeahs, so I wouldn’t be able to go unless I found someone to go with. There’s no way she’d let me go alone. Is it weird that I’m going with a girl? Is it weird that it’s a co-worker and the sister of a friend? Is it weird?

March 5, 2006

It’s Oscar night, so of course I’m in West Hollywood. Where else would I be? There’s nowhere to park and everyone looks like someone I know. We get drinks at the bar and watch The Gris Gris. She seems tense. Is this her first concert? I think it might be her first concert. The entire evening, she’s stiff as a board. And completely different from everyone in the room. I don’t mean anything by that. It’s not a negative thing. She just has a different aura. I can read it from here. She could destroy everyone in this room. She’s a predatory animal. I might be next. Or I might be as consequential as the tree standing next to her.

January 12, 2009

Maybe you were a strange choice. I mean, we didn’t talk all that much. And I never could figure out where we stood with each other. But I wanted to take you to the Troubadour. I wanted to get you out of your comfort zone and see what you were like. It probably made no sense to you. But you were intrigued, nonetheless. I can never explain with words what existed between us. In fact, I’m making it sound more grandiose than it really was. There are no words.

March 5, 2006

I think she hates me. Every conversation starts and stops in an awkward way. It’s psychological. It’s philosophical. It’s mind-blowing, in all actuality. What have I been missing?