January: I lose my job. Nations fall.
February: I start a music blog.
March: I delete said music blog.
April: VERY BAD THINGS HAPPEN.
May: I move into Tyner Ranch (Ha!), the ranch that isn't a ranch that happens to be surrounded by ranches.
June: I get insulted by a checkout girl at VONS for my questionable choice in non-alcoholic beverage.
July: My best friend turns 29 and I almost die of alcohol poisoning in the process.
August: I get taken behind a smörgåsbord and hit over the head with a brick for daring to smoke in Solvang.
September: My son turns three. I single-handedly replace "in bed" with "fucker" in fortune cookie etiquette.
October: I reveal a deep, dark secret.
November: I become famous in Pakistan.
December: I go to a friend's company Christmas party, which catches the attention of the newspaper I used to write for.