Monday, January 19, 2009

He Is Boy

I might be terrified of my son’s pediatrician.

Let me back up a moment. My son has had Kaiser Permanente the last few years, after I found his previous insurance company to be somewhat lacking. Lacking as in, “We don’t cover emergency room visits. At all. We just never told you that. Bye!”

So, I switched over to a different evil corporation and haven’t really had many problems since. He’s gone for shots, check-ups, and a few other assorted maladies. His pediatrician is a rather stern Russian woman of indeterminate age. I’d venture that she’s anywhere between the ages of 35 and 60. I might mean that as a compliment.

The thing is, she is the living embodiment of the stereotype of a stern Russian woman. I’m pretty sure she wants to hit me. And then when she’s done with me, she’s going to sell my son off to a labor camp somewhere east of Siberia.

A few weeks ago, my son had an accident with a stove while staying with his mother. When we took him to the stern Russian woman, her response to the burn was succinct:

“He will have scar, but is okay. He is boy.”

My son is only three, so he obvious has issues with anyone checking out the burn in any way. When she went to look at the burn, he started crying. Her response was succinct, and comical:

“Hey. Boy. Don’t cry. Do you like the Bat Man?” (Emphasize the pause between “Bat” and “Man” and you’ll hear the comedy.)

Of course, he likes the “Bat Man” and accepted the Batman sticker she offered with a few sniffles.

I’m sure this woman loves children, or a the very least likes them a little bit. I mean, otherwise she wouldn’t have gone into pediatric medicine, right? Nonetheless, she scares me a little.

As for my son, he’s no more or less scared of her than he is of anyone else touching the burn on his arm. And, regardless, he’ll be fine. He is boy.


  1. i'm sure someone told scar face and two face and the phantom of the opera: it's ok, you are a boy

  2. I'm surprised she didn't go with the faithful "scar on boy is mysterious. Brings many girls to you."
    In fact, you should be proud as you may receive many a dowry!

  3. I could hear the accent, I could even picture her!
    When my son was 10 months he burned his arm from the wrist to the elbow, VERY bad 4 degree burn. We had to go to the doctor everyday for a week and they would rub the burn till it would bleed ( I could not be in the room) I didn't care if he had a scar or not however they had to do this and now he is 12 and you would never know he burned is arm. So maybe he won't have a scar, I'm glad he is ok. He is really cute!

  4. i will go back and read this outloud in my das peter accent. its close enough.

  5. Chicks digg scars!

    and by the way, he is such a cutie pie!

  6. The Bat Man sounds like a bad Mafia character or something!

  7. If she's giving out stickers of "the Bat Man" she must feel something for kids.

    He is pretty darn cute. And girls do love boys with scars.

  8. It's not just girls that love scars. Just sayin'.

    She does sound frightful, but at least she is realistic, and not suggesting reconstructive surgery or something equally ridiculous.

  9. I had a nurse like this when I was pregnant and it was very scary for me and I was in my 20's.
    I have very bad veins for drawing blood and I can remember how freaked out I would get before each appt. Secretly I called her Helga or maybe that was her name.
    I'm feeling sick just thinking about it.