Friday, January 16, 2009

Lord Bob

The Feral Cat Wars have continued in my neighborhood, in spite of the cold weather and presence of numerous other interesting things to wrestle/chew/squeeze the life out of. Whenever I leave my house these days, I’m pretty much guaranteed to return to the sight of a large ginger tomcat lounging on the rug at my front door.

He is the new Lord of Tyner Ranch (Ha!), I figure. I call him Lord Bob. He has defeated the smaller black and grey stripey tomcat. He has forced both of my cats to sleep in bed with me at night. The little kittens at the end of the street stay scarce.

And the best part? The chihuahua that’s been the bane of my existence the last ten months has turned tail and stayed in his own yard for once. As I’ve mentioned about 800 times in this blog, I’m not much of a dog person. I’ve known plenty of dogs in my life that were enjoyable companions. My dear Muttley, for instance. And some dogs are just plain hilarious. Case in point, Daisy J Dog maintains a delightful Twitter.

However, I do find most dogs to be irritating, needy, and vacuous. And my dislike is doubled when it comes to little ratdogs who think they’re big and scary. It’s like having Ryan Seacrest scream in your ear whilst peeing on your shoes. It’s like, “Really?” Prior to the Feral Cat Wars, I couldn’t leave my house without this damned chihuahua bounding the 50 yards it took to get to me, just to bark incessantly over the audacity I had in walking to my own car.

And it isn’t just me. My neighbor Roy is so infuriated that he throws rocks at the dog. The guy across the street sprays it with a water hose. The dog just never got the hint. The dog is angry. The dog is tiny. The dog is stupid.

Then the Feral Cat Wars began. Since Lord Bob moved into the neighborhood, the chihuahua has stayed in his own yard mostly. The angry ratdog was properly subdued by the new neighborhood tomcat.

Lord Bob solved a minor irritation in my life. For that, I am thankful. He can sleep on the rug at my front door. He can beat up as many of the other neighborhood cats as he wants, mine excluded. I owe him a debt of gratitude. He’s a good kitty.

(Above Photo: Simon is already planning new ways of travelling through your monitor to steal your hooman soul!)


  1. *GASP*

    Are you friends with Runaway Train? She's the only other person I know that refers to sweet little doggies and E.D.F.H. (Evil Dogs From Hell)

    I'm just going to pretend I didn't just see this post!!!

    *Bon Don*

  2. i may need to borrow Lord Bob when you're done with him. He can sleep on my steps and make faces at lily through the glass all he wants if he gets zam to stop shitting in my yard. actually if he could eat dale, that would be a welcome bonus too.

  3. Well. Hmmm.

    I'm just going to see the positive in this and say that I'm happy you are no longer being terrorized by a ratdog. I'm not a fan of yappy lil dogs myself.

    However, I'm kinda with Bon Don on this one!

  4. shhh don't let bondon hear but chihuahua are VERY dumb and most annoying dogs, at one time she had 4 of them 4! and I sleep on the couch, E.D.F.H. would come out in the morning to go outside and bark at the world at 5am and I would scream at them "shut up, shut up, I will kill you!" I always threaten to call the cops for disturbing the peace. Now there are only two VERY DUMB chihuahua's left!